no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
