It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
