Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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