i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
