I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
the raccoons are back...
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