We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
