I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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