The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Did you pee in the oven last night??
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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