Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
