I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
