That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
someone get that fucking seahorse.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
