i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
