Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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