Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
