i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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