So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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