I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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