Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am naked and annoyed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
