can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
