So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
