are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
