The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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