Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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