Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
