I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we're making bets on your personal life
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
