my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need water and some morals
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You left your phone here
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