im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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