He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
