ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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