she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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