4 words: hood of his car
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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