What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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