Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I wear drunk well.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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