Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
