i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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