the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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