Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
