i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
not ubering you a puppy
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
