high people should be assigned attendants
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
