who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
