We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
