just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
