Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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