sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
