Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
