I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
