so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
