Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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