I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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