You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
