i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
