Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
