I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
