Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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