you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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