omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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