I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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