What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
